Pseudo Reality

"Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You're by no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You'll learn from them - if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry." ~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Human behavior has always fascinated me, but recently, I've had the opportunity of analyzing it with a novel perspective. Being a biomedical engineer comes with its perks, and one of them is the ability to break apart every aspect of human and represent it in terms of models and equations. While this ability has advanced us greatly in the field of technology and medicine, it brings me back to a very commonly asked question. Who are we?

None of the proposed mechanisms have been able to holistically represent the human. Even when taken apart into components of mind and body, not one definition justifies the numerous theories and observations that account for what we call human behavior.

However, this is not an attempt to analyze human behavior, but instead it is an effort to take a characteristic displayed by the majority and discuss its pros and cons. As represented by the urge to converge to a solution, ironically, one distinct human characteristic is the need to categorize. This is quite obvious in both history and science. We built societies, religions, and generalized equations to group similar subjects(people, phenomena, animals, etc). One may argue that this innate need is actually to develop an organized view of the world and function more efficiently in that model.

First of all, like any model, our personal human model of the world is also not honest. It is biased, tainted, and sometimes just absurd. Secondly, categories establish differences and in order to attain efficiency, these differences need to contribute to the easier accomplishment of something. But often, these differences aren't a medium for ease. They are instead obstacles that provide for worthless basis on which to separate ourselves. They are products of fear and insecurity. This brings me to my third point, that categories don't make us efficient, but they make us comfortable. They accommodate for our vulnerability.

So maybe they do have a functional role in our evolution, but is this need to group still necessary? Or better yet, would the human race be better off without self-proclaimed differences?

I recall an incident that occurred when I was just a naive freshmen, thrown into the world of engineering. As I aimlessly struggled with the post-processing of some very noisy data, my mentor intervened. "Adjust the cutoff frequency to eliminate your garbage data, leaving you with a clean signal." I wonder if we are modulating our cutoff frequencies in order to conveniently alienate certain groups. I also speculate whether the threshold could be lowered enough to include everyone in the entire human race as one giant group. Simplify each being's existence. Alternatively, the threshold could be set so high, that the group reduces to one person and each person becomes a group. The quality of individuality is what we refer to as "unique."

So, I leave you with some questions. Should we abandon this urge to group and find a belonging within that group? Is the nature of characterization hindering human progress? While we know that the recognition of differences may be the root cause of many evil conflicts, will embracing those differences make room for peace? Or will that in turn just seed a new way for human evil to emerge? How can society value conformity, but also uniqueness? Paradoxically, how can a person who claims to be unique(a quality highly prized by the community) conform to society's expectations of being unique?

I certainly hope you all will be rather creative and individualistic in your answers and conform to my high expectations! :)

Glorious Game

It's been a while. The new year has begun. I am now 24. And I have lost a very dear person in the last few weeks. I will try to keep my thoughts organized, but I can't guarantee that I won't turn this into a giant rant. Because after all, that is what you are here to read anyway.

I have written about my grandfather before. However, it saddens me to refer to him in the past tense. He might not be here physically, but I am sure his principles and teachings are continuing his legacy by inspiring the lives of his wonderful children and grandchildren. He liked to engage in discussion and learn about new phenomena. He enjoyed traveling and playing the flute. But my dearest memories of him bring forth a very child-like character. He would play games with me, learn with me and also indulge in mischief. But that is what he considered life. A child's game. Not one to be taken seriously, but instead an experience to enjoy and cherish. Like any game, you win some and you lose some, but at the end of it, you wrap up the board, boil a pot of tea and just open up another game.

And so I have. I closed a few boards in my life and opened up new ones. I am making my moves carefully, but those damn dice have a mind of their own. So what do I do? I just play. Other players can join or leave as they please, but this time I'm playing to win. Here I am faced with another old problem. What about cheating? Is that okay as long as I win in the end? Ah, but in the game of life, you only live by the rules that you define. :)

So then it's okay to tweak those moves a little and make amends, say a little prayer before rolling the dice, and conveniently collaborating with another player. These forms of modulation are in fact necessary to succeed in the ever glorious game. Here I am, creating smaller games in this mega-tournament. Every task is a puzzle and every action is a move. If my calculation is correct, this time around, I've started off strong. Other players are already collaborating with me. Some just don't know it yet. My faith has found a permanent place. And perhaps my ego has enhanced this quality.

Playing these mini-games is almost an addiction now. Sometimes I play them unconsciously. On other occasions, I ponder retrospectively, analyzing every move made by me and by my opponent. I assign points, perhaps in a biased manner, because I always win. And the wins make the game even more enjoyable ( a positive feedback loop?).

As a conclusion to this ridiculous rant, I will pay some tribute to my latest game. Its key players are undeniably the most important people in my life. This game is strange, because the winner doesn't have to defeat the opponent, he just has to bring the opponent to his side. It's a tug of war. It's an intellectual debate. It's an adventure. It's the best game I've ever started!

I'll end with a very dear line from my favorite book, Catcher in the Rye, "Life is a game, boy."

ps: While I engage in my own exaggerated matches, I wish the Indian Cricket team the very best on the upcoming World-Cup! :)

Dear Mom,

I really don't know where to begin. It's not Mother's day or your birthday (which conveniently falls within the same week) so why bother writing a whole post on you when I generally talk about science, politics and my philosophies? You're neither a scientist, nor a politician and definitely not one to side with my philosophies. But despite that, you're great.

I may not be a reflection of you, but you are my creator. I may not agree with your arguments, but I have your wisdom. I may not be as elegant as you, but I have your grace. And I may not be as successful as you are, but I have your motivation. Some people may look at you and wonder about the success I am pointing to. However, you are the strongest woman I know. You have noble thoughts. Your writings are eloquent with a focus to uplift society. Your stories inspire me to take on the world! Of course, I have a bias. But you have made a world from nothing, twice. You bore the pain of bringing life into that world, twice. And you made engineers of them, twice. So naturally, your success doubles on all counts.

I won't say that I'm always fond of you. Sometimes, I just want to break something. Sometimes, I just want to storm out of the house. Most of the times, I believe that you don't understand. But you do! You know when I'm upset. You know when I am giddy with joy. And you even know when I don't want to be bothered. For each of these times, you play the mother so well. Whether its with your food, your constant nagging or your sharp stares directed to my outfits, it helps keep me in line with my life. Being the stubborn child that I am, even you can't stop me from making my mistakes, but you sure do try!

I am not trying to promise a change or a transformation via this post. I am merely saying, thank you. Thank you for being my mom. Thank you for teaching me to fight tirelessly. Thank you for imparting a passion for food to me. Thank you for showing me the importance of standing by one's principles. But most of all, Thank you for enduring plenty of sacrifices along the way to pave the road for my success.

Perhaps in the three years that I stayed away, I missed out on some bonding. Or maybe in those days I realized how much I needed you. But with my close friends bringing new lives into this world, I am wondering whether I too can cut this umbilical cord and break free into the real world. Well, I cannot. I don't want to grow up just yet. I need you to be my savior. I need you to be my teacher. I need you to be my mother. Yes, I am still a child at heart. I am still afraid of the dark. I will still cry at failure. And I still need you to oil my hair, gently with your fingers, so that all the love and faith transfers over, rejuvenating me.

Mom, I know it's not your birthday or mother's day! And no I don't need anything(right now). But I still love you! :)


ps: Dad, I love you too! But that's for another day ;)

Schrodinger's Cat

It is no mystery that I like to draw parallels between real life and science. So here we go again with my analysis of the most paradoxical experiment with Chicago politics, my current life and much more.

Last Tuesday, I lay on my couch under my overused fleece battling fever and sore throat. But I wasn't fighting alone. On the other side of the television screen, Richard M. Daley made an announcement that instantly made me feel worse. We weren't going to witness another term of Mayor Daley!

We have experienced the Daley era in Chicago since 1955 when Richard J. Daley, the father of our current mayor took office. Now Chicago is looking at a blank slate. No heirs to take over. No legacies. No endorsements even!

But aside from the question of who to elect next, Chicago locals have other questions. Why is Mayor Daley abandoning us? Why is he retiring? Why is he not even handing over our future to another life-guard while we drown in this economic recession?

My Chicago is Schrodinger's cat. We stand at the threshold of an unknown future. We stand at the finish-line of a scandalous past. And our current state is like the cat: both alive and dead!

"He is arguably the most accomplished mayor in America today...On the presidential level, we’re always looking for a savior, but Daley shows that a prosaic workhorse sometimes turns out just as well or better," reports NY Times.

Let's shine some light on this great figure whom I have personally met several times. Mayor Daley is not the most eloquent of speakers, but he communicates to Chicagoans with spirit and hope. He united this city that was once divided on the basis of racial, economic and religious distinctions. Sure violence and crime persist, yet we attract new residents to this great city every year. We have established a cultural blend here. We have among the most severe weather conditions and yet we don't believe in hiding in our homes. We find thrills in challenges. Most people attribute the development of Chicago to the Mayor's passionate love for this city.

Speculations for his recent decision mention the deteriorating health of his wife who is a bone cancer survivor. But one is compelled to think as to what other reasons may have contributed to this unwelcome announcement. I believe that Mayor Daley loves Chicago, but he loves his esteem more. Why risk an exemplary reputation for a term that is sure to be filled with obstacles? It only makes sense to step out now with dignity. A wise philosopher once said that the key to true happiness is knowing when to stop.

Economic recession. Losing the 2016 Olympic bid. Blagojevich scandal. Budget deficits. Increasing adolescent crime. Denial to include Chicago in the 2018 Soccer Worldcup bid. I think these are reasons enough to quit gracefully. Mayor Daley wants to close the box now.

Perhaps the Rushdie influence has taken its toll on me since Midnight's Children. Much of Chicago's recent development mimics my own. My life is also Schrodinger's cat. Every outcome is possible until the box opens.

Schrodinger wrote about his experiment, "That prevents us from so naively accepting as valid a "blurred model" for representing reality. In itself, it would not embody anything unclear or contradictory."
"Most of them simply do not see what sort of risky game they are playing with reality—reality as something independent of what is experimentally established. Their interpretation is, however, refuted most elegantly by your system of radioactive atom + amplifier + charge of gunpowder + cat in a box, in which the psi-function of the system contains both the cat alive and blown to bits. Nobody really doubts that the presence or absence of the cat is something independent of the act of observation," Einstein responded, appreciating the genius of Schrodinger.

Quantum superposition actually applies to the state of an atom in the future. This is prediction. Schrodinger's experiment is questioning the state of an atom in the present. This is reality. Not just mine, but everyone's life happens between these two states. You can either know or hope to know. When what you know is unfavorable, you wish the outcome could be postponed so hope can be kept alive. When the opposite is true, you wish the outcome could be revealed because reality gives you closure.

I am not sure which state I prefer right now. My game with reality is getting intense. Here is the true paradox. The choice between knowing and hoping is mine! Until the box is closed, I can live in the blurred model or I can open this box and find out whether the cat is dead.. or alive.





As for Chicago, the box will open in February 2011! :)

Ohm's Law

Ohm.

Not the unit of resistance in this case, but a word of liberation.

As a devout Hindu, I utter this word almost in reflex at the face of danger. This is my way of summoning God to pull me out of whatever mess I am in.

Let me clarify a few things before I continue with what is sure to spark a controversial discussion between many people. I don't call for God because I am religious. In fact religion is the exact opposite of God. Also, for those who believe that Hinduism is a religion(especially Hindus that are blinded by this misconception), you are wrong. Hinduism is a philosophy. It is a way of life. It advocates principles and morality. While belief in God is recommended, it is certainly not a requirement for faith in the Vedic philosophy. The all-knowing Wikipedia defines Hinduism as, " a diverse system of thought with beliefs spanning monotheism, polytheism, panentheism, pantheism, monism, atheism, agnosticism, gnosticism among others." So now that I have made my disclaimer, I won't be contradicting myself when I claim that I am not religious!

But many people in our society are. They are religious. They are orthodox. Or they are liberal. But religion is a definition of who they are. Perhaps the more revolutionary thinkers want to stop and think about the concept of God or an alternative superior force that governs this universe. But most people only care about rituals. About names. About diet. Some will even go further. He is Hindu, but not Brahmin. She is Christian, but not Catholic. And what does this all mean?

It means separation. It means distance. It alienates you from someone very special. So it means hate!

I immigrated to Skokie, IL in 1998. I was born in Ahmedabad, India to a set of Gujarati parents. At two months of age they brought me to Dubai, UAE, a world attraction today. But back in 1987, it was still a barren piece of land in a terrible desert where freedom of religion was just a craving. It was a place where your shelter had to be rented and your belonging was temporary. And yet we celebrated Diwali, Christmas, Eid, Hannukah, Holi and many other festivals with incomparable excitement. My parents' closest friends there were Aziz Uncle and Sakina Aunty, who made the best sevaiyya in the world during Eid. This is where I learned that the basis of friendship is not religion, but love.

So on my first day at Lincoln Jr. High School, I was taken by surprise when a white girl sitting next to me told me that I would burn in hell for not believing that Jesus Christ was the son of God. It didn't matter that I still thought he was a great guy. Or that I loved Christmas(my loyalties were towards the presents) even more than Shivratri. What mattered was that I went to a temple every Sunday and she went to a Church. What mattered was that I believed in Nahusa and she believed in Noah's ark. What mattered was that she hated me without even knowing me.

So does it make sense for religion to bring you closer to God and simultaneously distance you from man? Sure, the Bhagvad Gita advocates detachment, but not hate.

Well, the scientific Ohm's law plays a huge role in society today.

I = V/R. I is flow, V is source and R is resistance. In order to optimize flow, V must be maximum and R must minimum. If one assumes that flow refers to knowledge, source refers to origin of information and resistance refers to societal limitations, we can appropriately figure out how to maximize the flow of knowledge. A very apt example of this is the internet. The flow of information online is immeasurable because we as users(or the source of knowledge) have lots to offer and control is minimal.

So can we duplicate this? Is it so hard for us to copy the virtual world that we created for a happier society in real life? I hate the gasps that go on when a fellow aunty gossips about her friend's son who is marrying a girl from a different religion. God forbid the utter calamity that will fall upon your household if your daughter-in-law speaks a different language. Inter-religious. Inter-caste. Inter-regional. Inter-this. Inter-that. Why does a union of two souls have to focus on differences?

According to Charles Darwin's theory of survival of the fittest, two individuals mate to make a strong offspring with the best features from either parent. It is time that we blend our values to adopt stronger principles. Both, the laws of physics and theories of evolution direct us toward this. I don't think we should forsake our belief system, but diversity is a boon and it's about time we accept it.

So today's youth are facing danger from the blind-faithed, traditional older generations. It might be time to reflexively summon God again!

Ohm!

Quantitative Romance

Matlab, to you this is an ode,
As you define the variables of my life.
Perhaps one day I can format a code,
And computation won't be a strife.

You are the heart of engineers,
The breath of mathematicians,
The ignorance of philosophers,
But truly a boon with pre-defined conditions.

With elegance you can model the hip,
Recreate the human eye,
Calculate the area of a feather tip,
Help me understand the value of pi.

I wander awestruck in your 800 line program,
With loops of if, for and do while.
Sometimes they cause a system jam,
But your uses are so versatile.

Numerical methods to approximate,
Matrices and arrays to store.
Functions to simplify and differentiate,
Integration is no longer a chore.

You may interpolate and Gaussian eliminate without any error,
But behind your tricks, I am the cognition.
So no surprise, this ode is slightly rarer,
It's not really for you, but for your magician! :)

Moving Threshold

Threshold.

I have been fortunate enough to be involved in the integrative field of Biomedical Engineering. And being in the center of the merging points of the purer faculties, I have heard several definitions of this word.

Let me first define the word, "threshold" as listed in most dictionaries: The point of a beginning.

Most people will nod their heads in agreement, but we as engineers or scientists or mathematicians know that threshold can mean something different to us. To an engineer, a threshold voltage is the value at which a chain reaction may begin. To a neuroscientist, it is the point above which an action potential will occur. To a doctor it is the physiological value necessary to diagnose a patient. To a mathematician, it is the point at which there is a 50% probability that a response will be elicited. To an artist, it is an entrance to something exciting. And to my mother, it is my age beyond which all decent men will have found a wife.

These definitions can fall under the roof of the dictionary definition, except maybe the mathematician one. It claims the point of a beginning only 50% of the time. Or my mother's definition-that one claims the END of freedom as we know it. But more or less, the dictionary definition says it well. The point of a beginning. A definite point.

Not really. The more you examine this value of a threshold, the more uncertain you find it. Threshold is really a range in practice. Make sure the error is less than 5%. Make sure your blood sugar stays between 100 and 126mg/dL. Make sure the voltage is between 1.45mV and 1.55mV. Make sure you're home between 1:30am and 2:00am(this is my curfew).

But a beginning is always well defined. My life began on January 24th 1987. I start work at 9am every morning. Featured soccer matches for FIFA air at 1:30pm CST. The record breaking Isner-Mahut tennis match began on June 22nd 2010 at 6:18pm (British Summer Time). Of course, the ends are foggy. Sometimes it takes days before we realize something is over.

So maybe threshold isn't just the point of a beginning, but it is a limit. It is like an asymptote, you approach it, but in order to reach the value, the function must change. In simple words, threshold is the end of one event and the beginning of another. When the threshold is crossed, the limit surpassed, there is a spike.

I have crossed this limit several times and stumbled over to fight with the spikes. And in order to cross these limits, I've had to move them first. Often we set limits for ourselves so we can keep our actions in check. But sometimes these are put forth by others, either to protect us or to restrict us. I am sorry, but neither of these conditions are acceptable to me. I've negotiated the value of thresholds in my life to expand my cage. When the tree can no longer bend, it must break and perhaps a new tree will grow there in its place. Safety might be a result of protection, but wisdom is the product of experience and I cannot keep myself from that. As for restriction, I value my freedom more than I value my life. I follow my own rules, make my own mistakes and develop my own theories.

Thresholds are the gates to an adventure. They are the end of boredom and the beginning of an organized turbulence. For a while, you can extend the tunnel and remain sheltered. But one day you break free. You discover your true potential. You rise above your threshold.

And your life begins, for real!