Curious romantic

curious (adj): 

1. eager to know or learn something.

2. strange; unusual.

I am a curious child. And my curiosity is curious too. I am keen about everything. This curiosity usually translates into a series of non-sequitur questions. I piece together this theoretically unrelated information into a wholesome thought and come up with bizarre insights for myself.

I am a romantic. I quote love songs reflexively to describe my relationship. However, said relationship is one that I have with my career. They say you've met your soul-mate when spending time with them is an amalgam of fun, challenge and intrigue. You continually cross paths and fate is emphasizing the inevitability of being together. So yes, BME is my soul-mate. 

There have been times, I'm so confused. 

All my roads, they lead to you. 

I just can't turn and walk away.

-All for you, Sister Hazel

My first encounter with BME was serendipitous. It was a cold January morning about a decade ago. Weeks away from turning 17, my naivete met my mother's wisdom. Few hours before my Camras interview, she convinced me to switch my major from Aerospace Engineering to Biomedical Engineering. (So much for wanting to be a neurosurgeon in space!) Thus began an epic love affair.

Sifting through hundreds of lines of code and waking up to nightmares about cortex surfaces and magnets, I sometimes wonder about my sanity and my willingness to submit to this non-being. Am I really in love with something that doesn't breathe? How could this intangible entity have a soul? 

BME takes me on incomparable adventures. We're dancing through this never ending quest. We laugh at our missteps and turn the music on louder. We whisper to each other about scientific revelations and declare our love in high impact journals. Sometimes it keeps me up all night, and I face the morning tired, but happy.

I am a curious romantic. I question my lovely soul-mate. In the process of unearthing the great mysteries of the brain, I'm sometimes teased and sometimes surprised. After weeks of mulling over a question, when the answer is finally revealed, for a few moments I'm both amazed and contented. And then a new question is formed. While I'm interested in the answers to most questions in this world, the ones that truly make me happy are the ones to questions that keep me up at night, that make me forget the lyrics to my morning-shower song, that I'm obsessed with, that I know I can solve. 

Engineers love to solve problems. It is the core of our being. Perhaps that is what pulls me back to this whimsical field. My curiosity and my romanticism are intertwined in BME. And once again, I stand at the crossroads, curious if the road less traveled will still lead me to my fate.

 (I accept. I'll never be able to answer any of these!)

Stand Tall

There are two major life lessons I've learned in grad school: Write with conviction and stand tall.

If you are a 20-something year old Indian girl, chances are you are married, engaged, in-a-committed relationship or on the search for "the one" with an online dating profile. Clearly, you just cannot move on in your life until you've found your better half.  Let's face it, without a man next to you, you’re pretty insignificant.

Oh, you just got your doctorate? Well, that's nice, but it ain't a diamond ring. You just went to Ireland?  Was it for your honeymoon? No? Well, it couldn't have been that exciting then. You just bought yourself a convertible?  Is it nicer than the Porsche my hubby got me last Christmas?  That's okay, someday, you too will find love.

I have an online dating profile. No, I'm not ashamed to admit that, because it's both an entertaining and a learning experience. And because I don't take myself (or anyone else for that matter) seriously, it's an intriguing experience. It's a rocky ride through cheesy pick-up lines and a myriad of 2-week text relationships. At some point, I intend on writing a book titled, Creepazoid Chronicles.

Normally, I don't attempt to acquaint myself with someone based on just their looks and profession. There is also the personality factor: comfort level, sense of humor, worldly knowledge, etc. However, in the digital dating world, this is secondary. First judgment call is made on a rather shallow basis. This has allowed me to peek into the lives of people that I do not understand and quite frankly, people who disgust me.

Last weekend, I received an email (Note, initial interest was sent by them):

"Thank you for accepting our interest.  However, after further evaluation, we believe you would be unsuitable for our son. As you are pursuing a PhD, you will be quite career focused. But we are looking for someone who would instead support our son in his career since he is a doctor."

I hope this email angers you.  But then pause for a moment and laugh with me at the absurdity of this note.  I was just rejected from the position of wife-of-doctor for being too ambitious. When I shared this with my mom, she rolled her eyes and said, “Maybe I did raise you with too much freedom."

But did she?  She raised me to be passionate. She raised me to be independent (that's right, I don't exactly NEED a man unless I'm attending some Indian event). She allowed me to pursue my dreams. She encouraged me to travel and read and experience the world; Not just the picture painted by our "community", but the real world without stereotypes and self-imposed limitations. She raised me to believe that I can change the world.

So, I start now.  I write with conviction.  I stand tall!

(Mom, clearly I've met the love of my life!)

I do

"I can't believe they're dating. Well, I'm really happy for them," I ended the conversation and turned off the landline as my mother walked into my room. She sat on my bed and stared at me as I continued working on my Physics problem set. "Who started dating?" she asked. "Oh, just two of my friends. I played soccer with them," I replied nonchalantly without even looking up. "You played soccer with both of them? They're both girls?" my mother gasped. "Yeah, so?" I asked rhetorically.

It was a rhetorical question ten years ago and it is rhetorical even now. Thankfully, my mother's views evolved. However, it seems that corners of our society have remained resolute in their ignorance. I must say that I am appalled by the incredible support of Proposition 8 and DOMA. I believe that everyone's opinions are respectable. However, I also recognize that the innate nature of rights makes them universal. They should not be voted upon just because some people cannot comprehend the happiness of others. 

But let's play their game for now and allow them to present their arguments logically. Every point is eventually backed up by science or by religion. I am ready to fight them on both of those counts. And unlike Paul Clement, I'll try not to circumvent what was laid out in 1996.

Let's tackle science first. One major argument from the supporters has been that it is "unnatural" since sex between two individuals of the same gender is not a tool for procreation. However, science argues that sex (gay or straight) has other advantages. According to zoologists, over 1500 mammalian species engage in homosexual behavior. In some species, sex is used to resolve violent conflicts. Imagine that! It's like the entire animal kingdom is still enjoying the freedom of the sixties era and yet we have chosen to regress and deem this behavior bizarre. 

Next up, religion. Yes, this began as a moral argument. 

“It is inherently wrong and harmful individual’s families and societies,” former Rep. David Funderburk 

“An attack on God’s principles,” former Rep. Steve Buyer

“The flames of self-centered morality are licking at the very foundations of our society—the family unit,” former Rep. Bob Barr

It is apparent that the supporters of DOMA are mainly using the religious shield. So I quote, "Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts: and then shall every man have praise of God."- Corinthians 4:5, King James Bible. 

I think it is pretty clearly stated in here to NOT judge as this is an action reserved for God. So really, even from a religious point of view, bigotry is untolerated. Religion is for the people; People are NOT for the religion. Let the thoughts of religion make you more compassionate and loving instead of hateful and dogmatic. 

My two friends from high-school are now engaged to each other. While many relationships fizzled away when factors like long-distance were introduced, theirs passed the test of time and stood strong. That is true love.

samo 'ham sarva-bhutesu 

na me dvesyo 'sti na priyah 

ye bhajanti tu mam bhaktya 

mayi te tesu capy aham

I am the same to all creatures; I know not hatred nor favor; but those who serve me with love dwell in me and I in them. (Bhagvad Gita, Ch. 9, verse 32)

Crush function

Disclaimer: Because my crushes generally follow a similar trend, this is both an open letter and an apology to all the amazing crushes I have disappointed. I am sorry I stalked you through high-school only to fall for your best friend. I am sorry I made you drive to Greek town at 2am for chilli cheese fries! I am sorry I made you dance on bar tables and then ditched you for someone else. I am sorry I laughed at you when your car fell into a ditch next to my apt. I am sorry that I threw your keys into the ditch a few months later. I am sorry I stopped responding to your messages even though we had a pretty good date. I am sorry I dragged you to a horrendous local band concert. I am sorry I gave you nicknames and snickered around with my friends. I am sorry I made fun of your hair.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear crush, you are a sinc function.

I use this analogy mainly because I assume you will not understand it (unless you google it). Nor will anyone else who lives a life of sanity. If you do understand though, please share that with me so my attraction towards you can increase exponentially.

You seem to alternate between realms. Not in a multiple personalities sort of way, but more like melting ice-cream. You are in two states, simultaneously. This is precisely why you emulate this extraordinary function.

The normalized sinc function (time-domain) is the fourier transform of an ideal-low pass filter (LPF) (frequency domain). Your emotional attachment is like the LPF. Only casual emotions (the friendly wave, the random bumping into each other and the small talk) are allowed to filter through. The more intense emotions (I just had a fight with my mother and I need you to hug me) are cut-off. However, the definition of our relationship is like the sinc: relatively indefinite and with ringing side-effects. The narrower you set your cut-offs with the emotions, the wider the indefinition of our relationship becomes.

I wish you could choose a side and commit to it. If you choose to adhere to the time-domain, then be vague and ambiguous about everything. At least then I can label you as a flake and move on. However, if you choose to venture over to the frequency domain, then define everything-your emotions, our interactions, or the name of the dog we will never get.

I wish I could choose a side. The truth is that I don't REALLY know you. But I know me, and I definitely am a sinc function. I linger in a sea of confusion. My emotional attention span is about 2 weeks long. I too have a LPF for emotions. It is a delta function. As a result, none of my emotions ever make it through. And most things in my life remain indefinite.

Best,
YP

Superman

“One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.”

It will come as no surprise to anyone, that today's topic is about Fathers. I will talk about the best one I have ever known. His name is Jyotish K. Pathak. He has made a beautiful world for himself in the village of Skokie. A civil engineer by profession, he is blessed with two engineer daughters and a gorgeous wife. But his remarkable elegance isn't just displayed in how awesome his family is, but oozes out of every action of his. The running joke in our houselhold is that my dear father has secured a place in heaven, while the rest of us will be trapped in the cycle of reincarnation. Basically, he is a good person. Wait scratch that-- He's the best person I have ever known. Yup, my daddy IS the strongest! :)

However, this father-daughter relationship is only based on complications. There are fights, numerous ones, and arguments that span everything from politics to my daily diet. At one point in my life, my father was my idol. He slowly grew into being my biggest enemy. Then, he was a great banker for my lavish tastes. But today, he is a mentor. He is a support system. He is the reason I am so loud, ambitious, optimistic and opinionated.

I wish to share a brief anecdote to paint a picture of how my father and I interact with each other.

Day 1
Me: Dad, Can you please pick me up on time?
Dad: But, I'm only five minutes late.
Me: Umm.. My train gets here at 8:35pm.
Dad: Well, It's only 8:50pm.
Me: That's 15 minutes, not 5
Dad: Oh 8:35 just gets rounded to 8:45.. I mean 8:35 is such an odd time for the train to arrive anyway!
Me: ::Dumbfounded with this argument:: I'm just going to have Neh pick me up tomorrow

Day 2
Lather, Rinse and Repeat!

This happens to us all the time. But I guess my dad teaches us an important lesson every time he makes us wait-- the virtue of patience. In those 5-10 minutes, our anxiety to see him becomes so great, that we literally can't wait to see him. He almost creates an inevitable importance for himself. And his value just increases with a little bit of wait from us. I suppose this is the most important lesson I have learned from him. To realize and appreciate the gift of time.

Sure it's great to be punctual, but occasionally it's waiting that pays off. The happiness of achieving something after great hard work and insurmountable patience is incomparable. His famous line is, "Wait, think it through. Is that what you really want?" It annoys us sometimes, but he's correct. Even the way he talks reflects this carefree, yet wise attitude. He pauses before every thought; And my sister, mom and I move to the edges of the chair, waiting for him to complete his sentence. "That was it," he'll conclude. "You paused for a whole minute to tell us you were done?" we'll retort back. "I just wanted to be sure. And yup, that's really the whole story. Unless.... I forgot something!" We roll our eyes. But inside we know he's right. It is only wise to think before you speak and contemplate before you act. It's perhaps the most valuable advice anyone can ever give.

There are a million other things about my dearest dad that irritate me. Sometimes I yell. Other times I walk away. And on rare occasions, I wait and ask myself, "Is that really what I wanted?" But I'm sure in every interaction of his, he conveys some knowledge, departs some wisdom and in his own strange way, makes us better people.

Dad, I may not always understand your strange ways, but you rock. I will always respect you for the great person that you are. And undoubtedly, I will always love you (more than mom, but let's just not tell her!)

Happy Father's Day! <3