Stand Tall

There are two major life lessons I've learned in grad school: Write with conviction and stand tall.

If you are a 20-something year old Indian girl, chances are you are married, engaged, in-a-committed relationship or on the search for "the one" with an online dating profile. Clearly, you just cannot move on in your life until you've found your better half.  Let's face it, without a man next to you, you’re pretty insignificant.

Oh, you just got your doctorate? Well, that's nice, but it ain't a diamond ring. You just went to Ireland?  Was it for your honeymoon? No? Well, it couldn't have been that exciting then. You just bought yourself a convertible?  Is it nicer than the Porsche my hubby got me last Christmas?  That's okay, someday, you too will find love.

I have an online dating profile. No, I'm not ashamed to admit that, because it's both an entertaining and a learning experience. And because I don't take myself (or anyone else for that matter) seriously, it's an intriguing experience. It's a rocky ride through cheesy pick-up lines and a myriad of 2-week text relationships. At some point, I intend on writing a book titled, Creepazoid Chronicles.

Normally, I don't attempt to acquaint myself with someone based on just their looks and profession. There is also the personality factor: comfort level, sense of humor, worldly knowledge, etc. However, in the digital dating world, this is secondary. First judgment call is made on a rather shallow basis. This has allowed me to peek into the lives of people that I do not understand and quite frankly, people who disgust me.

Last weekend, I received an email (Note, initial interest was sent by them):

"Thank you for accepting our interest.  However, after further evaluation, we believe you would be unsuitable for our son. As you are pursuing a PhD, you will be quite career focused. But we are looking for someone who would instead support our son in his career since he is a doctor."

I hope this email angers you.  But then pause for a moment and laugh with me at the absurdity of this note.  I was just rejected from the position of wife-of-doctor for being too ambitious. When I shared this with my mom, she rolled her eyes and said, “Maybe I did raise you with too much freedom."

But did she?  She raised me to be passionate. She raised me to be independent (that's right, I don't exactly NEED a man unless I'm attending some Indian event). She allowed me to pursue my dreams. She encouraged me to travel and read and experience the world; Not just the picture painted by our "community", but the real world without stereotypes and self-imposed limitations. She raised me to believe that I can change the world.

So, I start now.  I write with conviction.  I stand tall!

(Mom, clearly I've met the love of my life!)

My tryst with Milwaukee: A cheesy love affair!

Dear Chicago,

I have been cheating on you. It started unexpectedly with a one-night stand. But then, it kept calling me and I was drawn by its quaint charm. It doesn't mean I love you any less, but I am slowly falling for this city, Milwaukee.

I was in denial for a while. Especially because Milwaukee is unlike any other place I have called home. It's not a big city like you or a jungle like Ithaca. It's not all hustle-bustle like NYC or chic and political like DC. And yet, I have found unusual comfort here.

I visited you last weekend. I thought I was home. And I was. But a little part of me longed for the quiet of my lab and my annoyingly slow internet. I wondered what junk food dinner entree I was trading in for this lovely deep-dish. While the whole experience was exactly what I needed to exhilarate myself, it felt less than homely. I felt an unrelenting pull towards Milwaukee.

Perhaps it is the familiar lake front. Or the frozen custard at Leon's and cheap (yet amazing) beer at Hollander. Maybe it is the lack of traffic on I-94 and the ridiculously low sales tax. Or it could be the scenic drive next to Miller Park. Possibly, it is the creepy Russians at New Yorker. Or my recent obsession with home-brewing. But most of all, I am intrigued by the unpredictability of this state I once stereotyped. Did you know rednecks existed in the North? (Apparently, they live in the nooks of northern Wisconsin.) Or that the Walgreens I shop at is the oldest in the world?

I didn't realize how far this fling had come along. I was referred to as the "official Milwaukee google" by a friend yesterday. I don't think I'm google-worthy yet. However, this relationship definitely escalated beyond my expectations. My summer plans include Summerfest, Jazzfest and trips to Door county and Devil's lake. I convinced my buddy to have a meal of cheese curds and spotted cow. I bought an $11 block of chocolate fudge cheese just because I wanted to.

A few months ago, I wrote about some of the most influential songs in my life (Musical Reality). I credited Milwaukee for Home by Philip Phillips. I am intimate with the unfamiliar road. I hate this city usually. But sometimes I have bouts of love. It is rather unceremonious. But isn't that the epitome of a relationship after all?

Chicago, I am not breaking up with you. But let's just say we're on a break. You are my soulmate, yes. But Milwaukee is the hot guy that I want to seduce right now.

Love,
YP

I do

"I can't believe they're dating. Well, I'm really happy for them," I ended the conversation and turned off the landline as my mother walked into my room. She sat on my bed and stared at me as I continued working on my Physics problem set. "Who started dating?" she asked. "Oh, just two of my friends. I played soccer with them," I replied nonchalantly without even looking up. "You played soccer with both of them? They're both girls?" my mother gasped. "Yeah, so?" I asked rhetorically.

It was a rhetorical question ten years ago and it is rhetorical even now. Thankfully, my mother's views evolved. However, it seems that corners of our society have remained resolute in their ignorance. I must say that I am appalled by the incredible support of Proposition 8 and DOMA. I believe that everyone's opinions are respectable. However, I also recognize that the innate nature of rights makes them universal. They should not be voted upon just because some people cannot comprehend the happiness of others. 

But let's play their game for now and allow them to present their arguments logically. Every point is eventually backed up by science or by religion. I am ready to fight them on both of those counts. And unlike Paul Clement, I'll try not to circumvent what was laid out in 1996.

Let's tackle science first. One major argument from the supporters has been that it is "unnatural" since sex between two individuals of the same gender is not a tool for procreation. However, science argues that sex (gay or straight) has other advantages. According to zoologists, over 1500 mammalian species engage in homosexual behavior. In some species, sex is used to resolve violent conflicts. Imagine that! It's like the entire animal kingdom is still enjoying the freedom of the sixties era and yet we have chosen to regress and deem this behavior bizarre. 

Next up, religion. Yes, this began as a moral argument. 

“It is inherently wrong and harmful individual’s families and societies,” former Rep. David Funderburk 

“An attack on God’s principles,” former Rep. Steve Buyer

“The flames of self-centered morality are licking at the very foundations of our society—the family unit,” former Rep. Bob Barr

It is apparent that the supporters of DOMA are mainly using the religious shield. So I quote, "Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts: and then shall every man have praise of God."- Corinthians 4:5, King James Bible. 

I think it is pretty clearly stated in here to NOT judge as this is an action reserved for God. So really, even from a religious point of view, bigotry is untolerated. Religion is for the people; People are NOT for the religion. Let the thoughts of religion make you more compassionate and loving instead of hateful and dogmatic. 

My two friends from high-school are now engaged to each other. While many relationships fizzled away when factors like long-distance were introduced, theirs passed the test of time and stood strong. That is true love.

samo 'ham sarva-bhutesu 

na me dvesyo 'sti na priyah 

ye bhajanti tu mam bhaktya 

mayi te tesu capy aham

I am the same to all creatures; I know not hatred nor favor; but those who serve me with love dwell in me and I in them. (Bhagvad Gita, Ch. 9, verse 32)