Musical Reality (English)

M: I'm gonna rock your world with 70s rock :P
Y: That's what's gonna rock my world? damn.. how well you know me!

The truth is, tunes from the 70s may not rock my world, but music really does. And yes, the above conversation is a lame attempt at humor (which was completely ignored by my friend), but this post is about some of the songs I associate with incredible memories. It's common to listen to a song and feel a sense of nostalgia come over you. Hence the following tribute (in no particular order). 

1. She Will be loved, Maroon 5 (2004)
This is my all-time favorite song. I turn into an 18-year old, the moment Adam Levine starts serenading me.

Coincidentally, it's the song that came into my life shortly before I turned 18. I was listening to this song (and going over O-chem reactions for a lab practical) when I got into my first car accident on Kennedy Expressway. I remember pulling over and exchanging insurance information with the middle-aged driver of the barely scratched SUV. This was my initiation into the adult world.

A few months later, Mary and I embarked on the Sophomore leadership retreat at Lake Geneva. While that trip is reminiscent of many epiphanies under the starlit campfire, this song was a testament to my self-confidence. Mary volunteered me for a solo while playing a game of personality bingo (i.e: Who is wearing a red shirt, Who has ever sung a solo, etc)  After initial hesitation, I sang the chorus of this beautiful song to an audience of several hundred people. And I don't wish to brag, but I was awesome! (Thanks for the voice lessons, mom!)


2. Oops I did it again, Brittney Spears (2000)
Eighth grade dance. First kiss. 'nuff said!


3. Leaving on a Jet Plane, John Denver (1969)
Just days after making the trans-Atlantic move from Dubai to Toronto, my family decided it was only sensible to spend the upcoming festivals in Chicago. So we drove across the Niagara Falls and trekked halfway through 'merica. Who knew this great city would become our new home? Of course, as my cousin's favorite song, this played endlessly during the wee hours of the night. Thus, it has left a solid imprint on my brain.

4. Swing Life away, Rise Against (2005)
I credit this song to Maulin. Thank you for aim-ing every worthy (and unworthy) song my way. Of course, in the plethora of music sent over, there were a few gems. This is one of those. It reminds me of the summer of 2005. It insinuates the memory of endless hours spent hunched over books, taking afternoon naps at your apt (and consequently pigging out on your food) and getting Lemon-ice with Alice on Taylor St before making the 4-mile hike to IIT. This was also the first song on my ipod-shuffle.

This song is also the epitome of my present life.

5. I want it that way, Backstreet Boys (1999)
My sister and I have always been close. However, a three year age gap means different things at different stages of life. When we moved to Chicago, I was an 11-year old child and my sister was a 14-year old teenager. In those dire times, BSB kept us connected. Of course, this bonding could have been animus if I too had been cray-cray for Nick. Shout out to my first love, AJ. Mclean.

6. Wish you were here, Pink Floyd (1975)
Sure, this is a classic. However, I did not obsess over this song until I read Five Point Someone in Dec. 2007. Pink Floyd is about recognizing vulnerabilities. I spent many nights in the next semester with glasses of Gewurztraminer and indulging in deep conversations. Yes, this song is about missing someone and every time I listen to it,  I do.

7. Tipsy, J-Kwon (2003)
"E'er body but Yag gettin' tipsy!" This became a tag line for my presence at extended family functions for several months after I sang along to J-Kwon during a car ride to a-place-i-can't-remember. This song reminds me of how awesome, yet crazy my family is. After that, I quickly digress into thoughts of cinnamon sticks and coke at Pizza Hut.

8. City of Blinding lights, U2 (2005)
My first real visit to NYC was in March 2007. It was Spring Break during my senior year at IIT. I was so in love with the city, that I vowed to myself that I would move to NY within the next 6 months. Luckily, I got to partition my time between Ithaca and NYC when I moved to Cornell later that year. The Brooklyn bridge is by far the most glorious platform I've walked on. In one of the U2 concerts, the intro to this song is a description of Manhattan as seen from the bridge. That is the only version I listen to. I am reminded of everything NYC has to offer and of promises that I make to myself and keep.
(Trivia: this is also Obama's intro song)

9. Banana Pancakes, Jack Johnson (2005)
Lazy Sunday afternoons.

Especially because I had a rule about only waking up in single digits (i.e before 10am). This rule is no longer being enforced in my life.

10. Santa Baby, Kylie Minogue (2007)
I vividly remember working on my Neural Interfaces paper while lying in my bed at the apt. on Danby. Puifai sent this song to me as a much needed distraction. This is a Christmas favorite! I love the holiday season and this song for reminding me that naughty can also be nice!

11. Her Morning Elegance, Oren Lavie (2009)
This is my blog's namesake. The stop-motion video is a parallel to what my life had become when I was introduced to this song. I was blinded to the mundane and routine struggles I was facing to achieve something I did not care for. This was a turning point as I abandoned a false dream I had fostered for years only to pursue the road less traveled. Thanks Frost. It has made all the difference.

12. Wait for sleep, Dream Theatre (1992)
What's the story morning glory? This song is implicative of everything that was freshmen year at IIT: daily commutes on the el, getting my driver's license, getting lost in the city and calling friends for directions (because smartphones and GPS were yet to come), piggin' out on mango tofu with Shira, asking out long-time crushes, making friends, losing friends, and basically having the time of my life!

13. From Paris to Berlin, Infernal (2005)
Europe 2008. A two-week trip with my sister that turned into an incredible adventure. It involved Madame Tussaud's, tea with the queen (or her minions), picnic by the Eiffel, crepes and hot Frenchmen, half-bridges and emergencies in Avignon, getting lost in Barcelona, joining strangers for a tapas/flamenco party at Las Ramblas, trying our luck in Monaco, fancy cars, gelato, sun-bathing in Nice, hikes and chocolate tours in Switzerland, missed flights in Venice and a group of amazing friends!

14. Anyone else but you, Moldy Peaches (2001)
I remember watching Juno at the Westbourne in Ithaca. I was only semi-impressed with Ellen Page. However, this song and the entire soundtrack (All I want is you, Barry Louis Polisar) was more memorable. I have since sang this song at many karaoke nights in Ithaca, DC, Chicago, etc. It's just a simple song that reminds me of who I really am- a part-time lover and a full time friend!

15. I'm gonna make this place your home, Phillip Phillips (2012)
In the last five years, I have lived in 5 different cities (not counting Chicago). This spontaneous, vagabond lifestyle leaves me wondering whether I felt at home at any of these residences. Of course, nothing may ever compare to the awesomeness of Chicago, but I have to admit, these past two years in Milwaukee have been kind of fabulous. As a commuter (yes, I engaged in a 90-mile one-way commute for a whole semester), I fell in love with the scenic amtrak ride and gelato at the Public market. Once I moved here, I discovered Leon's, Cafe Hollander, Jazz in the Park and the Art Museum. This song is usually playing during my daily ride on 94 which only adds to the Milwaukee experience. The gorgeous view of Miller Park at the break of dawn is breath-taking. The roof reminds me of a bridge and although it may not be the Brooklyn magnificence, it's damn close.

But, I'll never be a Packers fan!



Honorable mentions:
Sweet Caroline, Neil Diamond (1969)
Lean on me, Bill Withers (1972)
Wonderwall, Oasis (1995)
Crash into me, Dave Matthews Band (1996)
Iris, Goo goo dolls (1998)
Kiss me, Sixpence none the richer (1998)
Jumpin Jumpin, Destiny's child (1999)
It wasn't me, Shaggy (2000)
Goodbye Earl, Dixie Chicks (2000)
Love you madly, Cake (2001)
Thousand Miles, Vanessa Carlton (2002)
Numb, Linkin Park (2003)
Boulevard of broken dreams, Greenday (2004)
Fix You, Coldplay (2005)
Rain is a good thing, Luke Bryan (2010)

ps: The hindi version is coming up soon! :)

Crush function

Disclaimer: Because my crushes generally follow a similar trend, this is both an open letter and an apology to all the amazing crushes I have disappointed. I am sorry I stalked you through high-school only to fall for your best friend. I am sorry I made you drive to Greek town at 2am for chilli cheese fries! I am sorry I made you dance on bar tables and then ditched you for someone else. I am sorry I laughed at you when your car fell into a ditch next to my apt. I am sorry that I threw your keys into the ditch a few months later. I am sorry I stopped responding to your messages even though we had a pretty good date. I am sorry I dragged you to a horrendous local band concert. I am sorry I gave you nicknames and snickered around with my friends. I am sorry I made fun of your hair.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear crush, you are a sinc function.

I use this analogy mainly because I assume you will not understand it (unless you google it). Nor will anyone else who lives a life of sanity. If you do understand though, please share that with me so my attraction towards you can increase exponentially.

You seem to alternate between realms. Not in a multiple personalities sort of way, but more like melting ice-cream. You are in two states, simultaneously. This is precisely why you emulate this extraordinary function.

The normalized sinc function (time-domain) is the fourier transform of an ideal-low pass filter (LPF) (frequency domain). Your emotional attachment is like the LPF. Only casual emotions (the friendly wave, the random bumping into each other and the small talk) are allowed to filter through. The more intense emotions (I just had a fight with my mother and I need you to hug me) are cut-off. However, the definition of our relationship is like the sinc: relatively indefinite and with ringing side-effects. The narrower you set your cut-offs with the emotions, the wider the indefinition of our relationship becomes.

I wish you could choose a side and commit to it. If you choose to adhere to the time-domain, then be vague and ambiguous about everything. At least then I can label you as a flake and move on. However, if you choose to venture over to the frequency domain, then define everything-your emotions, our interactions, or the name of the dog we will never get.

I wish I could choose a side. The truth is that I don't REALLY know you. But I know me, and I definitely am a sinc function. I linger in a sea of confusion. My emotional attention span is about 2 weeks long. I too have a LPF for emotions. It is a delta function. As a result, none of my emotions ever make it through. And most things in my life remain indefinite.

Best,
YP

Integral Infinity

Om 

Purnamadah Purnamidam

Purnat Purnamudachyate

Purnasya Purnamadaya

Purnameva Vashishyate

Om shanti shanti shanti! 

Om

That is infinite, this is infinite

From that infinite, this infinite comes.

From that infinite, this infinite removed or added,

Infinite remains infinite.

Om. Peace peace peace!

I start with this verse from Isha Upanishad, because it reads like a mathematical proof. When adding or subtracting from infinity, infinity remains infinite. I can't recall the first time I learned about the concept of infinity, but I can imagine how difficult it must have been to grasp its abstractness in context of something as defined as mathematics. In theory, if you add up every number from -∞ to +∞, you get 0. This is an unbounded sum, one which has an indefinite beginning and an indefinite end. And yet, its solution amounts to nothing. 

However, if you take this concept from the realm of mathematics and into that of philosophy, the equation changes. As is described in the verse above, the beginning and the end of time are on this spectrum between -∞ and +∞. Yet, this unbounded philosophical sum encompasses not just the existence of humanity, but that of our entire universe. It truly is, "through infinity and beyond!" And if you assume mathematics and philosophy to be on a continuum, then our universe should also amount to nothing.

 

So is it? Is the infinite breadth of our existence not even a mere speck? Or is this a more relative theory? Perhaps when compared with the truly infinite, as in God or Science or some other supreme force of nature, our being is truly miniscule. If this is true, then maybe it shouldn't matter what my legacy is. And assuming that my essence means something, is just a fancy way of expressing my vanity. 

On the flip side of infinite sum is infinite precision. Like the digits in pi. It is both irrational and necessary. Everything in this infinite universe may sum to nothing, but the details of this world are infinitely defined. This is why all constants are approximations. It is impossible to fathom these values, yet so easy to experience them. All of sudden, my existence which amounts to nothing in the infinite sum, is still infinitely defined. The forces that act upon me and the energy I release into this world is precisely defined. At a given moment, something happens because it was infinitely planned. The parameters of this infinite definition and this infinite precision are also infinite. 

I use this symbol of infinity to validate my existence every day. Sometimes, I stare at my infinity sign and use it to zap people's brains. Other times, I stare at it and wonder if this infinity sign can truly transform lives. But most of the time, it only serves as a reminder of the infinite knowledge I have yet to learn. And while this is overwhelming, for that moment I find a purpose for my miniscule self in the vastness of infinity.



Occasionally I also use infinity to define my indolence. My laziness is like the number 8. If it lays down, it becomes infinite!

Thought Pangaea

In order to reboot the economy, we need to learn from the game of Monopoly. Everyone starts with the same amount of money and as the game goes on, people can use their wit and luck to progress.

You might think this thought crossed my mind while reading a finance article or a book on Economics (or while playing Monopoly). However, this thought really entered my unusual brain while I was analyzing the power in the beta-band of my subject's EEG data. Let me you walk through my intricate and strange thought process.

1. EEG Analysis
2. Thinking about a conversation that distracted me during lunch
3. History of how China got its name
4. How these distractions can postpone my graduation (Thanks Yan!)
5. If the recession persists, will I have to move to China?
6. What is the solution to this problem?
8. Monopoly!

This bizarre process, which only took about 100msec, led me to another question. What is the significance of of our brain's digression? Wouldn't we be more efficient if we could compartmentalize our thoughts? Our productivity would increase; our emotions would be less obstructive and overall, we would be much happier. Then why are we evolutionary programmed to think within this mess?

Despite of what the textbooks illustrate, there are no defined boundaries for brain regions. Every brain is unique. In addition, the brain is an organ of both complex anatomy and even more labyrinthine function. Each crevice has its individual purpose and yet it blends in with the whole. Unlike computers, we cannot choose which programs to shut down and which ones to run. They are all running simultaneously without regard to the RAM available. Even past events are saved comprehensively. A distinct smell or an unusual color are capable of provoking the most profound memories.

While this enables us to appreciate the potential of the human brain, isn't it in some ways throwing us off-course? Do I really need to think about summers in India and consequently, sweet mangoes, whenever it rains? Must I let my mind wander among the memories of an old friend at the whiff of AXE? Is there a purpose to thinking about Monopoly while analyzing EEG data?

I view this phenomenon as a Pangaea of thoughts: one in which there are no boundaries to where your mind can wander.  Once upon a time, our world also used to be boundary-free. I am not going to dwell on the influence of plate tectonics on the development of culture and society. However, I will comment on the significance of digression.

"Perhaps imagination is only intelligence having fun." Scialabba is right. If Steve jobs did not let his imagination take over, we would not have the treasure that is Pixar. If Salinger had not digressed, my favorite book wouldn't have been The Catcher in the Rye. Chocolate chip cookies are a result of Wakefield's creative cooking. And the implantable cardiac pacemaker is a product of a wrong sized resistor that was inserted in a recording device by Greatbatch. To his surprise, the circuit began pulsing, just like the human heart.

Our brain's ability to digress is a symbol of freedom and a sign of potential. So, the next time I space out in lab, I will consider it a blessing. Who knows, while indulged in signal processing, I could come up with a way to achieve world peace!

Apoptotic blues

"It is a storm indeed,
but a storm of murk." - William Styron

My adviser sent me an article (http://nyti.ms/HK1jIQ) about an hour ago. It outlined the history of a field that I am very intimately involved in: depression. While I leave the scientific questions that were triggered, for the development of my dissertation, I will paint a picture here of the cascade of emotions and a train of philosophical questions(that are also structured in a scientific manner) that were provoked.

The basis of the article was that much of the brain is still a mystery. Although great minds are slowly uncovering the layers, we are finding underneath them a plethora of messy details that need to be sorted. Amidst this disarray, lies the phenomenon of depression. What struck me most about this article, was the connection between neuronal growth and the maintenance of a "happy" state. It implied that emotional well-being was buried in the connections between different brain regions.

So then it makes sense why some of your memories are permanent while others still are transient. To relive a memory means to strengthen the connections associated with it. If that memory is associated with an emotional high, you assume a joyful state. However, if that memory is associated with an emotional low, you descend into a sad or depressive state. This led to several questions.

What is the statistical mode of my memories? In other words, which of my memories do I re-live the most? If I assume my theory about strengthening connections is true, then an old childhood memory probably has been relived the most because it had the most chances to be retrieved. Maybe it is the time when I won my first dance competition at age 3. Or maybe the day I dressed up as a frog for my ice-skating show. Or perhaps the time when I got stabbed in the back with a pencil by my sister. Or it must be the incident from National Park in Dubai when I spelled "red" incorrectly. Yes, it must be the last one since I now spell my colors correctly.

In contrast, I could have only re-lived an event that happened yesterday a couple times because of the limits of time. However, is it not true that our recent past is more indicative of our current state than something from decades ago? I instantly feel a sense of pride and nostalgia when someone mentions Cornell or IIT. I can't help but blush when a song comes on and the lyrics include the name of my latest crush. And I am still experiencing a happy high from the chocolate binging I indulged in last night. Perhaps the element of temporal distance (how far is t-event from t-present) should be included with the weight of frequency.

However, this model fails to include another aspect of current state. The brain lives in 3 tenses: the past, the present AND the future. In order to accurately predict the present state, one must also account for future events. Our minds are constantly preparing for the future whether that future is a few hours away (thinking about your next meal) or a few days away (thinking about your upcoming deadline). Sometimes we look forward to these events and on other occasions we just want to get through them. Our attitude towards this future event further determines our current state. I can attest to this personally, because every year, I am in a constant state of joy from Dec 24- Feb 24th and on Jan 24th, my birthday, I experience an exceptional high. For this reason, I will re-label temporal distance and call it a temporal radius to add the effect of future.

For now these parameters will suffice in helping me determine my current state. In a mathematical sense:

C-present = sum(C-past) + sum(C-future)
C(memory) = {frequency*(-1)^n}/t-radius
---- n = 0 for positive memories and 1 for negative memories
---- t-radius = absolute value (t-event - t-present)

However, this leads me into a infinite sum since I have infinite memories. This is because the reality of my brain which includes my thoughts, imaginations, dreams and experiences is much more complex than the reality of my life which only includes facts. So I return to my initial observation: emotional state is an enigma. And to make a conclusion about your current state, all you can do, is ask yourself. How do I feel right now?

I feel like I am crawling through a nebulous tunnel in a dense jungle with no cracks for a ray of sunshine. And to this my old friend Mary said, "Burn a match!"


:)

Reciprocity Theorem

In electromagnetism, reciprocity states that if the current densities (sources) are exchanged, their respective fields can be switched too. In terms of electrostatics, if the voltage source in one branch of the circuit produces a current in the other, the same current will be produced in the first branch if the source is moved to the second. Reciprocity has applications in politics (Canadian free trade with the US) and photography as well. In simple English, source and destination are interchangeable.

This is a mighty, powerful theorem for it simplifies computation, eases understanding and supplements the modeling of many complex systems. But as usual, I wonder if this scientific concept can be translated into real life. Can we exchange sources and destinations without changing certain results?

When it comes to traveling, this is true. The distance from point a to point b is the same as the distance from point b to a. However, can we elevate this concept into something even less objective?

I just watched My sister's Keeper. I am not one to get sensitive during movies, but this one certainly captured my emotions. It's a story about a teenager, Kate, who suffers from cancer. Her younger sister, Anna, has been donating her marrow since birth. During an incredibly crucial moment, she refuses to allow her parents to make any more medical decisions on her behalf. When Kate was three, she was diagnosed with cancer. Since they could not find a marrow match for her, the parents had to conceive another child. This child was Anna. To me, this is a brilliant case of irony. There is ambiguity in who is the source and who is the destination. Is Anna the source since she has been donating her marrow to Kate her entire life? Or is Kate the source as her sickness is the very reason for Anna's existence? The truth is, no matter who the source is, the result is still that of sisterhood. Reciprocity exists.

It is difficult to justify reciprocal relationships in our subjective lives. However, we can analyze this concept for a single instant. At a particular time point and in a certain relationship, there must exist a source (someone who is giving) and a sink (someone who is receiving). At a later time point, the relationship may be reversed. One such example is that of parents and kids. Until a certain age, parents are the care-givers. However, at some point, it becomes the child's responsibility to care for the parents. I suppose reciprocity exists for romantic relationships in an oscillatory fashion.

However, today is a day to discuss the reciprocity between a prankster and his victim. If you are the prankster, make sure you devised an intelligent trick. If you are the victim, have a sense of humor and make sure you reverse your role next time ;). Either way, the result is to have fun.

Happy April Fool's Day!

ps: Add me on Draw something. It's the technological epitome of reciprocity. You can switch off between being the draw-er and the guess-er oh so frequently! ;)

Awesomely Normal

My parents just returned from a 10-day vacation to the West coast. Having forced them to take a day trip to the Grand Canyon, I was especially interested in their experience at my favorite spot. Needless to say, they loved it. However, what intrigued them most was not the marvel of nature, but that of man.

It was the skywalk at the West rim that made the most impact on them. The beauty and the elegance of this amazing experience were secondary. The core of my father's conversation was the intriguing engineering and construction of this wonder. He began with an instant glow in his eyes. The 5 hours of flight exhaustion instantly wore off. He included every intricate detail in his eloquent story and his amazement with each added fact was apparent. He compared it to the construction of the skywalk at the Sears tower (it's not Willis tower!) and admitted that the construction of the one at the Grand Canyon was both more difficult and superior.

I couldn't help but recognize the grandeur of engineers. An experience becomes doubly enjoyable when we indulge in the effort and the challenges that were involved with its being. But even so, I couldn't help but wonder why my dad found this skywalk special. He continued his story with examples of similar constructions. What made this particular one awesome for him was the fact that it was 70 feet from the edge and over 4000 feet above ground. The details associated with the creation of a frame structure and scaffolding would have demanded intense engineering and immense creativity.

However, all his examples seemed awesome to me. I thought the minar he built for a mosque in Dubai was awesome. As is my belief about the skywalk at the Sears tower. Yet he so quickly reduced those brilliant structures to the manifest of normalcy. Perhaps this is the difference between education and experience.

I find it awesome to listen to lectures about diffusion imaging. I find it awesome to learn about sensory integration. I find it awesome to discover the workings of electrical and magnetic stimulation. I find it awesome to link electromagnetic theories to the properties of the brain. But maybe, I find these awesome because my naive and immature mind is unable to discern between awesome and normal.

Often, I go into my adviser's office with a question I have been struggling with for weeks. I finally have an answer. It's brilliant. I just uncovered a milestone. So I walk in there, cheery, with big bright eyes and describe my finding. He replies with a solution far more efficient and sophisticated than the one I proposed. It takes him ten minutes to nullify what has taken me weeks. Alas, I implement it and it works like magic. Hence, my awesome has been reduced to normal.

Perhaps the journey of PhD is to attain that balance of education and experience to finally differentiate between that which is normal and that which is awesome. It is the awesome that gets published and cited and followed up. So, I may still be floating in this world of intrigue and curiosity. But it is those qualities that make for a true student and an honest researcher. If we knew all the answers and how to get them, why would we research?

I watched Proof this morning. It is a story about a mad mathematician and his devoted daughter (played by Gwyneth Paltrow). While taking care of her mentally ill father, his college drop-out daughter assists with his work in mathematics. During this period, she writes a 40-page proof that may be groundbreaking for the field. However, she hides this notebook until her father passes away. The irony is that she must now prove that she wrote the proof and not her genius father. Her only evidence is the use of modern methods that makes her proof more "hip" instead of "classic". The education of those techniques were the tools at her disposal when she didn't have experience.

The modern methods and contemporary science are our biggest weapons in advancing from normal to awesome. Sure experience is great, Dad, but it is modern education that makes it seemingly obvious that when you forget to carry your phone charger along, you don't have to freeze in the car to charge your phone. You can just unplug the USB cable and hook it up to your laptop in the warmth and comfort of your home. And while this bit may seem awesome to you, it's really just normal.

Thanks for the lesson! :)

Twenty Five

" The years teach much which the days never knew."-Ralph Waldo Emerson

In less than two weeks, the clock will strike twelve and on a cold Tuesday, I will complete my twenty-fifth revolution around the sun. I will officially become eligible to run for the House of representatives and will enter the world of lower car insurance and quarter-life crises.

I am pretty sure that in the past 25 years I have only learned one thing. Growing up is difficult. Most people who know me closely can attest to my childish qualities. I am overly stubborn and passionate. I am incredibly opinionated. And I like toys and chocolates. I break into dance moves randomly, laugh obnoxiously and obsess over frogs. When someone gives me the silent treatment, I pretend they are planning a surprise. When someone is mad at me, I appease them with knock-knock jokes. And when someone suffers from insomnia, I recommend a dose of Arthur!

But there's more. On my first day at Marquette, a professor mistakenly assumed that I was a high-school senior on my college visit. She consequently explained her imaging research with incredible simplicity. I recently got carded before watching a rated R movie. I am sporting the same hair-cut that I had weeks before I turned 21. And my current favorite pair of denim shorts is from 8th grade.

So how can I convince the world that despite my quirks and my looks, I truly am 25? How can I assure you all that I will certainly become older and wiser? The honest answer is that I can't. I may become older, but that definitely will not make me wiser. I will continue to indulge in my childish pleasures. I will send out random presents and get excited for Christmas lights. I will giggle like a giddy child as my birthday approaches. And I will ask you eight times to explain your joke before I finally get it.

My naivety is a boon though. Being gullible helps one believe in fairy-tales and happy endings. Don't get me wrong, I am a sucker for a good action movie, but fables impart an essential cheer along with faith. Children never stop believing. That is why Santa is so popular. That is why losing teeth is a great money-making scheme as a child. And that is why they take that fearless leap from the dense branches of an unusually high tree. I will soon be a 25 year old child. And I believe. So I will continue taking my leaps and turns, and jumping from tree to tree. Surely, sometimes I will fall. After which I will just stand up with a smile on my face and skip to the next sandbox.

I won a copy of Peter Pan in the 1st grade during a dance competition. Since then, I have held a special attachment to that story and perhaps that is where the desperation to hold on to childhood comes from. It is the best depiction of friendship and the wonders of childhood. Chicago is my Neverland and I am Peter Pan: the perfect amalgam of mischief, charm and adventure. Now, why would I ever trade that for growing up?